Saturday, February 19, 2011

Alcohol and Moderation

Well, since someone wanted me to talk about alcohol...

I had my first beer at around age 3. I have video; it's pretty funny. Needless, to say, I have always enjoyed drinking. However, getting fucked up is the stupidest thing anyone can do. I learned that the hard way while having a great-ass time. Drinking is at its best when you're buzzed.

One night on a school week, me and my buddy, E , decided to buy some Smirnoff vodka and finish it all in one night. While we were doing this, we decided to go watch a football game. About 30 minutes into the game, we were completely drunk. I started hitting on this girl, and I was doing quite well from what I remember. After all, she ended up calling me in the morning. Well, the game ends and me and by buddy are completely fucked up( me more so). I'm getting carried into my buddies truck. Things are pretty fun. He drives back to his place, and we get off.

Here's the stupid part:
Truck Driver:  "Are you guys alright to get home?"
E(Obviously Wasted): " Yeah, we're straight man"
Me: (Obviously passing out)

Continuing on, me and my buddy walk in a random direction for the next two hours. E is essentially carrying me along. Somewhere in those two hours, I throw up over his jeans(which I find out tomorrow). We finally stop at a random, abandoned house. We spend about a good 30 minutes trying to knock on the door to get in thinking its my place. I tried pressing a non-existent keypad to open a garage and called my little brother to tell him to fucking open the door. Now, the neighbors get worried...and POLICE TO THE RESCUE. I'm down on the ground. Officer picks us up. He uses a breathalyser on us.We both score over .16%.

On to the police station, I think I started crying over some shit, and my buddy is sitting there texting. We were both sitting on some bench handcuffed. He got bailed out by his mom, and I sat there for a while about to go to Juvenile hall for the next two weeks of my life because my parents were out of the country. Luckily, my(just now) legal guardian, T, came in and picked my ass up.

I wake up hung over next to a pile of my throw up. Also, I lose the ability to drink vodka because it automatically makes me gag. I walked by my laundry room and smelled laundry detergent resulting in me almost fucking throwing up. But hey! I get a call from the girl I hit on.

Moral of the story:
Don't get wasted. You do stupid shit.
Drink in moderation.

Cool Story bro.


  1. i cant eat oreos because i drank so much i ate full oreo cakestres..didnt even chew them and threw them up

  2. AAAAAND that's why i don't drink. Get owned by an inanimate object, kevin.

  3. i cant drink in moderation ... so sad :D